It's time for this again. Y'know what? I'm thinking the songs themselves may not be what teeters me to the edge of sanity, but, in fact, the atmosphere I often experience them. See, I occasionally dabble in the "not eating properly before work" school of thought, and as such, I experience bouts of extreme lethargy, as well as soul-scorching apathy gurgling up through me like magma, all to the toe-tapping bullshit excreted through the PA system. Don't get me wrong - I dislike these stupid fucking songs without pause - it's just the days at work in which I replace literally every word in said tracks with unreproducible tirades of profanity that truly drive me to writing these stupid lists.
Also, I find it funny, I guess. This is no exorcism.
1.) fun. - Some Nights
What the fuck is this. This sounds like something Disney curated Phil Collins to write for The Lion King. I thought the world was finally safe from white people's colonialization and defaming of world musics in 2012, but well, here's this - detached exoticism and all. I can barely remember fun.'s debut from the single time I spun it, but I remember it floating around in the baroque pop revival/neo-pop psychedelia realm, not this horseshit.
2.) fun. - We Are Young
Okay, so this doesn't really deserve to be on here. I mean, I certainly don't like it, but it's not something that cleaves the hemispheres of my brain with an un-lubed penis of rage. What IS notable about it, though, is that I was destined to never like it by some unselfconscious dude working at this anarcho/commie cafe-bookstore in Tucson, AZ. For close to 2 hours, he scrawled over the delicate nuances to the vocal lines with a fat, xylene-reeking black marker of a voice that could've passed for Roscoe Holcomb without talent. I sort of wanted him to die at the time.
3.) Nickelback - This Afternoon
This is the last Nickelback song I'm ever going to post, as there's really no need to further the mind numbing nadir of placing this band at the crux of all things foul in rock music. Sure, Nickelback are vapid balladeers postured as the limpest final incarnate of grunge in the mainstream - the last "movement" offered even a sliver of credential from the hipster cognoscenti. On the other hand, you have an eternity of knowledge, wisdom, and opinion at your fingertips via the information age. The mainstream's bastardization of genre X shouldn't mean squat if you're not a total luddite. Chirality, motherfucker.
That said, this is the first song I've heard by them that treaded from "painfully inoffensive" territory to "aurally gruesome". Y'see, it's Nickelback's "fun" song, free of all the melodrama but none of the cheese. The video is actually even tackier than the song, surprisingly enough, full of eye-rolling sex appeal and cringe-worthy cliches. I remember someone on the 4chan music board describing this as "music for people who re-shingle roofs in the white lower class bracket". I suppose that's kind of offensive, though.
4.) Matchbox 20 - She's So Mean
A while back, I listed some cheesy solo Rob Thomas ballad alongside a bunch of other stool in a facebook post. Since I keep everything totally public, some contrarian a few degrees separate from me responded that I was way off the mark in not recognizing Thomas as the Sinatra of our generation. To this day, this comment stands as the least correct statement ever uttered in my presence.
I'm not sure where this temptation comes from, but there's literally an overwhelming desire to decree this "dorky". I mean, I get it - it's supposed to be kitsch. I still get the notion that if I were forced to dance to this in a public setting the embarrassment-turned-self-loathing would be too great for my being to withstand. Those drum fills proceeding the verses may as well be played with ladles full of velveeta fondue.
5.) Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me
I'd make a lazy comment along the lines "yes, I do", but it seems likely the human race issued a moratorium on those sort of comments after the noxious fumes of a trillion stale jokes subsumed the planet 20 years ago. This is just synthy, bloopy nothingness. I don't know if I hate it as much as I'm baffled that it attained any sort of profile. Where are the hooks? Are they just in the wAcKy antics of Boy George that illuminated the band? 'Cause fuck this.
I think I'm gonna keep these posts down to 5 songs from now on. Doing 10 would probably reduce the quantity of bitching unsatisfactorily.
